They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
