when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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