you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
