the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
