Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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