Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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