God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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