remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
