Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
