Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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