Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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