I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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