girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
