Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
