Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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