capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
