I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
