If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
