There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
