Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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