I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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