so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
