How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
