How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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