i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
