this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she told me i tasted like america
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
