spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
