i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
