seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
