thus making me awesome and them whores
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
