I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
