Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
