Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
