i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
