Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
