So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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