proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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