but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
