he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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