I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
