I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
