i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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