cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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