24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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