My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
