I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
