what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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