Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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