it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
