I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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