You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
