4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
